Relationship advice dating for four years

Seligson: My baseline is one year in a monogamous relationship.

Do you see this as someone you are making big sacrifices and life decisions around?

Or they assume you're not interested in marriage at all. I had strange conversations that revealed a lot about people's fears of marriage: "Yeah, who needs to get married? I suppose these fears aren't completely unjustified.

I even had some friends assume we weren't married yet because we hated the idea of marriage — you know, like they did. You'll just stop having sex and bicker all the time! There that weird phenomenon of long-standing relationships falling apart after making it legal. How does all this relate to the phenomenon of the epic, half-decade engagements?

At that four year point, it felt like people started assuming if we hadn't gotten married yet, it was because we didn't want to — not just that we hadn't gotten around to it.

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Add to this his alleged propensity to do things as he pleases and at his own pace, and the end result is years of dithering.

For example, the day-to-day staple activities are done together.

You buy furniture together but you say, "What happens when if we broke up? " There is no definite sense this will culminate in marriage.

Brides purchase a dress, and then a different one a year later, and then a third a few months before the actual wedding. It continues to work for both of us: we'd been together over ten years before we had a child (although half of that was not by choice). We're both pretty fiercely independent, and clearly, moving slowly has worked well for us as a couple.

You put a deposit down on a caterer, and they go out of business the next year. At this point, we've been married as long as we were unmarried — Dre's and my 2004 wedding marks the half-way point of our relationship.